Bayaland

NEW!! Change your url for Bayaland!

2005-09-23T00:11:00.000+02:00

The new and improved: Bayaland

Working

2005-09-17T00:17:00.000+02:00

I'm having a working weekend ahead of me. And i just came home from today's work.
I slept well and long today, so i'm not feeling too exausted, even though i've been busy all day, with cooking, cleaning and then working.
Apparently a good sleep and a wonderful send off to work from Domen, works like a charm!

Going to bed in a minute, to read and then again off to sleep.
Tomorrow i'll have to do with a good night's sleep alone. I'll be just fine as well!

p.s. Why aren't mosquitos as easy to kill as flies?!

Novelty

2005-09-15T23:39:00.000+02:00

Today i decided to put my picture on the blog- see to the right. I took the last one off months ago, when i changed my template.
The summer vacation did its trick and i now have 3 new pictures of myself. Even i think, i don't look that bad there, hehe. All were taken by Domen.
And here you have one of them to see. Fyi, this is Domen's favourite.

Today i ...

2005-09-15T23:09:00.000+02:00

- enjoyed the sunny weather
- finished one book yesterday night, already deep into the next one today
- had awesome spaghetti for lunch- i cooked
- ( sugar alert;)) kissed, hugged and loved my sweetie

Tomorrow...
- i'm working at 6 pm
- i'm cooking lunch
- reading my book
- if all goes well (sugar alert # 2) kiss, hug and love my sweetie

Next week...
- i might go to uni to get some papers
- i might meet up with some uni friends
- i'll get the new cross word puzzle magazine!, and see if i won any prizes for last one's results
- i'll (sugar alert # 3) kiss, hug and love my sweetie

Life ain't bad at all!! :-)

A pair

2005-09-14T01:55:00.000+02:00

A healthy relationship

2005-09-14T01:19:00.000+02:00

So, how does it look like? What are we suppose to do to have a healthy relationship?
First, you have to love the person you're with. You have to respect her/him. You also need to know how to communicate with each other, how to listen. You need to know how to share things, thoughts, ideas, fears, happy moments etc. In order to have a long and healthy relationship, you need to enjoy your partner's company. You need to respect her/his life, choices, doings.

Before all, you need to be a whole person yourself. You need to love yourself, respect yourself and know yourself. I support the idea of being a whole independant individual to begin with. You need to have your own life. A job, friends, hobbies etc. Because when your partner is away, you still need to function. You still need to enjoy your life, your days, yourself. You need to know how to fill up your day, how to amuse yourself and live on your own, regardless of being in a relationship. See, i have this friend who when she's alone at home, when let's say her partner is at work, does not know what to do with herself. She complains of feeling bored, lonely and sad.

Don't get me wrong. I am all for spending time with your partner and spending time with this awesome guy i have for a boyfriend, with whom i keep falling in love with more and more, is just so enjoyable. We do so much stuff together, and we're never bored. We share hobbies and just enjoy each other's company. I love spending time with him and i've never gotten fed up with him being around me. I can't wait to live with him constantly, going to bed with him every night, hugging him before i drift into sleep, hearing him breathe and feeling his warm body next to mine. I will wake up every morning and see him lying there, smiling at me, making the beginning of each day so very good. And share meals with him and run around the house naked whenever we'll feel like it, not having to worry if we're home alone or not.

Regardless of that, i know i will always keep Baya. I will always take care of myself and be my own person. I will never let go of that and lean on him so much that i would not know who i am anymore. Making choices, enjoying your days, being able to have a life on your own is what makes a healthy relationship.

But when being on your own, it's normal to miss your partner. Doing things together and laughing, kissing etc. is good. Being on your own and laughing and doing stuff you like is good as well. But it is different.
The trick is, that when you believe in your relationship and you know it's healthy and good, you know your partner will be back with you. Having a partner is just that, having a partner. You have your own life to live and just include your partner in it.

Love is just an extra bonus in otherwise a good life you're leading. Your partner is there to help, support and listen to you. A good relationship is to give and recieve. And to be your own person to begin with. It's simple as that.

p.s. I wrote this because i've gotten the idea that the readers of my blog don't understand my view on a relationship and i, according to them, need to grow up and also act grown up.
So, are the matters clear now?

Little bits from my day

2005-09-13T01:27:00.000+02:00

Today i had a cleaning fit. I cleaned my room. And i mean, cleaned it. I washed the windows and the curtains. Got rid of some stuff in my room that i had no use from, like a carpet, a broken table and a lot od dust. I like the way my room looks now, not to mention it really smells nice.

I also took my dog for a walk today. It felt nice, being out for some fresh air, while the sun was shining. There was a few people out as well, walking their dogs, cycling, jogging. I always wonder why people jog. I never liked running. My knees hurt, i had this pain in my stomach (?), my lungs hurt from heavy breathing. So, now that i don't have to, no school anymore, i just don't. I always prefered to do anything but that, like blading, cycling, swimming, dancing... Just anything but that.

I spent a lot of time on my own today. Just doing different things, from cleaning, to walking the dog (lol, i know what that term means as well! this time i actually mean walk the dog! hehe) and doing the cross word puzzle just up untill now. I finished the magazine, i'm getting a new one on September the 20th! I aslo had a little help from my new cross word puzzle dictionary (??). I got it last week. My baby gave it to me. I expressed a wish for having one and a few days later, there it was! He's so kind to me. How could i not love him?

I enjoyed my time alone. I had time to think and enjoy my own company ( this must sound cocky!). But still, i missed my baby. He was on my mind the whole day. I know we won't be living together still for many years to come. We'll have to adjust to being a lot of time apart again and just enjoy the moments when we'll actually be together. We'll manage. Somehow... Any suggestions?

Finally!

2005-09-11T22:30:00.000+02:00

Kim Clijsters

Well well, she finally made it. She really took her time to win her first grand slam.
Once uppon a time i was involved in the whole Kim & Flanders scene, so i know how much the people in Belgium support her and love her. And i know she's had some problems last year, breaking up with the Aussie and having her injury.
Apparently her time came. I'm glad for her.
Well done!

Stamper and a package

2005-09-11T01:02:00.000+02:00

The other night Domen and i were snuggling in bed. He gave me a hundred of little kisses, on my face, my hand, my shoulder...
Somehow he came to an idea that he's like a little stamper kissing his little package. And new nicknames were born!
The best part is that the nickname is not set, one time i'm the package and he's a little stamper, and the next time it's vice versa!

Prolonged!

2005-09-11T00:38:00.000+02:00

I recieved a letter from my uni stating that my student's status is being prolonged for the next 6 months. I'll be able to enjoy student's benefits for a little while longer. I'm glad it turned out like this. And i was worrying so much about it...

Sad ...

2005-09-09T01:00:00.000+02:00

By the looks of it, his parents are reading his blog. If this was a normal world, i'd think they read mine as well. But i was proven today, this is not a normal world.

He had a bit of a quarrel with his parents today. It's not something i'll get involved with. I have an opinion, of course, but it's between them to solve the matter. After, he felt sad. He told me what the situation is about and i listened. To the best of my knowledge and my experience, i told him what i think he should do. What i think would help. He listened.
Helping people, or better said, advising is what i've been doing for a long time. Mostly online, but also in person. What i learnt is that you can help a person, advise and suggest. But what that person will do, it's up to him/her. I often cared too much and hurt myself, seeing a person kept making the same mistakes over and over and over again. I suggested, listened, advised each day, each conversation. After repeating the same thing for oh so many times, i felt empty and sad, and angry. Angry because i knew that if he/she only did this and that and changed this and that, he/she'd feel better. But he/she kept rolling in the same circle. I actually felt responsible for him/her. Sometimes a strangest thing happened and after years of me listening and advising, he/she came to that very conclusion i suggested years ago. And so i realised that all i can do is suggest, listen and advise. The next move is his/hers. So that's how i work now. I marely listen, suggest and advise. I try not to get too involved. Being pushy and telling somebody what to do is never good. Letting him/her think and figure things out him/herself, is the best thing for me to do. And i did the same tonight. It's his turn to work on it. If he wants to. If not, we'll roll in the same circle over and over and over again. It's simple, it's his decision.

During the quarrel he had with his parents, it was over the phone, i was walking next to him, listening. First i heard his mom scream, and then his father talk. It didn't feel too well, hearing them quarrel. But what stroke me the most, was how calm and patient he was with them. Even though they were panicking, screaming and talking things that were impossible to happen, he kept calm and talked back. Explaining, calming them down and telling them what his intentions were. I felt proud. Any other would just either ingore them and let them talk, while he'd roll his eyes, or he'd yell back at them and hang up. Yes, he did that as well, but only after an hour of explaining and a few warnings of hanging up if she would not stop screaming. I know i would not talk so patiently with my parents. I'd hang up. But he didn't. It just shows he loves and respects his parents. It's just sad to see how his parents don't see how smart he is, how kind and understanding he is. How witty, caring and sweet he is. What a wonderful person their son is. It is sad. But what saddens me the most is that he's hurting. He doesn't want to fight with them. He would love to see his parents being proud of him, stand behind him and encourage him.

During the conversation i heard something that hit me hard. His father referred to me as "that friend of yours". We'll be going out for 6 months now. 6 months. And since he spends so much time here, i'd imagine they know my name. I feel sad. I know they do know my name, but obviously I'm not worth enough for them, to use my name. In these 6 months they didn't invite me once in their home. I went there twice, when he couldn't go out because of the biking accident, but with them home, i haven't been there once since then. I accepted that. I don't expect their invitation anymore. I don't wait for one either. And i'm quite sure, one won't come for a long time to come. I try not to care. It's their decision after all. It's their house after all. And what i would never do is impose myself to anybody. So like i said, i accepted that. Still, not wanting to see me or have me in their house is one thing, but not wanting to use my name is another. Well, if i accepted that, i'll accept this as well.
There's something i don't understand though. They worry about every single thing he gets involved with. His work and school, but when it gets to his relationship, one that brings him happiness and love, they don't care. At all. They have no wish to get to know me, to see what i'm all about etc. Like i said, i try not to care and i don't think about it, i just can't comprehend this whole two-sided attitude.

Hm

2005-09-07T01:01:00.000+02:00

When feeling weird, talking to yourself helps. A lot!

Rocks

2005-09-05T00:07:00.000+02:00

Books!

2005-09-02T01:50:00.000+02:00

I bought myself 3 books today! :-D
Bought one for Domen though. He doesn't know which one yet, hehe.

Feeling loved helps

2005-09-02T01:36:00.000+02:00

Today it was my lil sis's first school day in 5th grade. She changed schools, from our village moved to a city school. And that's not all. She's also gotten new school mates. There are 5 left from last year, but others are new.
Yesterday evening she was really excited, little scared and just couldn't get to sleep. Today, when a first real school day is ahead, with reall class, she again couldn't get to sleep. It took her 2 hours to fall asleep.
When we went to check in what class she'll be 3 days ago, she saw some kids there. And she asked one boy if he's in her class and spoke to two others if they're in her class. I felt surprised. Nicely surprised. She is obviously an open person, talkative and not affraid to talk to new people. I'm really glad for her.
I remember myself. I've always been introverted. Always kept in the back, not knowing when to talk to people, being affraid of negative response. I remember i felt i'd like to talk to people, but i mostly waited for them to start the conversation.
So, why's there a difference? In upbringing. I never felt loved in my childhood. I was always scared, lonely, rejected. I made a mission to not let that happen to her. I've loved her from the first day i saw her. I've always made sure she knows she's loved, appreciated etc.
So, seeing my love for her is paying off, makes me feel happy. She won't need to work as hard as i have, gathering my self asteem and tearing down the walls. I know she'll have worries as well, but hey- i spared her of one!

A web

2005-08-30T02:33:00.000+02:00

Birthdays

2005-08-29T03:19:00.000+02:00

Celebrations of the beginning of life.
Once a year we remember of a day when we were born. When we came into the existance. That's a day when mom and dad and you, should celebrate. That's when they gave you life. If a relationship inside a family is good, i assume, that special day is being cherished. And spent nicely. If you wished for a child to begin with and you love him, you think of that day as a special day. Once you're grown up, and you leave the primary circle of your family, you meet new people. Friends, colleagues, partners. And those who grow fond of you, and love you, are happy you're around. What is best time to show you appreciate somebody, are happy they're alive than on a birthday? Not remembering, rememebering just because you have to etc. only shows you don't really care.
Other people remembering and celebrating your birthday is just a secondary thing. To begin with, you need to love yourself and enjoy life. You need to celebrate your own birthday. Not by worrying who'll drink on your expense- since there are people being around you just when you take them out to party, but being happy you were given the opportunity to live. On that very day. Given the chance to do something.

45 days

2005-08-29T02:52:00.000+02:00

I'm still to get used to Domen's way of thinking. He's a kind of a guy that thinks ahead. And not 'normally' ahead, like a few days or a week. His way of thinking ahead is with the time span of over a month. He's going back to uni in October, talking about it since the mid of August. Usually when a person ponders about different scenarios, when given time, those scenarios get complexed. Very complexed. I'm glad he's excited and feels happy about going back to classrooms. Being excited is one thing, but being anxious is another. The whole preparing for uni process may get very time and energy comsuming. Energy that for the time being may be used elsewhere. Uni will take a lot of enery on its own when the time comes anyway.
Another thing that is slowly beginning to occupy his mind is his birthday and birthday presents. Mind you, his birthday is on October 15th. We were talking about birthday presents today. Between us, the history of present giving, in this case more of recieving, is very different. He's used to big presents. If not big, money wise, than at least in accordance with his wishes. He's used getting things he's wished for for a while. When i, on the other hand, don't even know what my wishes are. No, that's not entirely true, because if i think hard, i might have a wish or two. But nobody ever asked me what i'd like to have for my birthday. At my home, birthdays aren't very important events, mostly mine. Yes, they used to be, when i was a little kid, when i'd have a party at home for my friends from school, but when i grew up, that stopped. I'm not talking about the parties, i'm talking about presents. I might know the reasons. First of all, the element of a surprise. I'm not used to knowing what my present will be. It's always been a surprise. Therefore it's obvious, we've never really talked about wishes. And you might think, that if they'd known me, they'd approximatley know. No, no real talking going on in my house. My mom and dad don't know me at all. Don't ask, don't want to know. And the last few years, my family not liking me much, only gave me a gift out of having to. My grandparents, what's left of it, didn't even remember me having a birthday. Oh yes, around my birthday i'm always reminded of the love in my family. Thank blog i've had a lil sister, who with her hand made presents always made my heart smile.
Another thing Domen and i talked about was money. And how much money is to be given for a gift. He said that money doesn't count. That fulfilling ones wishes is the real goal. I agree. To a point. Wishes are different. One wishes for a book, one for a dvd, one for a bike, one for a car, one for a plane...Get my drift? Of course, thank blog, there are people who cherish handmade, nonexpensive, thoughtfull presents. Presents you make yourself. Presents made with love. See, i don't have any problem giving a certain amount of money for a present. If it's for a person i love, get love back, along with a respect and so forth, i'd give a lot of money. Then money doesn't count. Again, to a point. If i have a certain amount of money and need to support myself with it, i cannot afford to give too much. It is true that regular incomes, and big ones at that, give you more freedom. More money to toy with.
What i need to do, is think of a lovely present to give to my boyfriend. And start thinking about it now. Since, wanting or not, i'm already hearing about it.
I will have to get used to him thinking of things which are due in 45 days. Must be really stressful living like that. Thinking of events so far ahead must not bring any happiness. If it takes so many days to think about them, then they are bound to loose any charm when they actually do take place, no?

Hihi

2005-08-25T13:37:00.000+02:00

I have a dog. Beri. And it's a nice dog. I take it our for walks when the weather allows it.
Monday. Rainy day. But the rain did not fall all the time. Actually there was like a few hours of no rain. I took the opportunity and took the dog out. Of course, the path was full of puddles. And what does my dog do? Walk right into one and plays around. And sprays the dirty water all around. On me as well, of course. And what does a smart girl like me say:
˝Beri, you're as stupid as a dog!˝ Hm, if this was a movie or a cartoon, the dog would turn around and go ˝DUH!˝

p.s. The thingy sounds way better in slovene : ˝Beri, ti si pa smotan ko pEs!˝

Ear print

2005-08-25T13:32:00.000+02:00

This is what happens, if you have time to cuddle and snuggle and lay on your guy's stomach. My ear print on his body. Sexy!

Seaside report

2005-08-25T12:40:00.000+02:00

Like i said in my previous post, Domen i went to the seaside last weekend. On Thursday, when Domen came to the idea, the weather looked to be nice. The weather forecast said it'll be dry. On Friday, in the afternoon, the weather forecast said rain in whole Slovenia on Sunday. We said, ok, some rain won't ruin the plan. At first, the plan was to go by car. On Friday morning, that changed. His parents said traffic jams are to be expected. Therefore we didn't get the car. And we went by train. I didn't mind really, since i like travelling by train.
When i was packing, the weather seemed nice. It was sunny and warm, so i decided to wear a dress. Soon after i've gotten in the car, the sun hid and i thought i'll be cold. In a while, the sun came out again. When arriving at the train station, i didn't care about the weather anymore. I was on my way to the seaside. Loving the sea, that's a very good thing. After buying the tickets and feeding Domen, he just gotten off work and didn't have lunch yet, we went to the station and entered the train. We chose the seats and sat down. And the waiting began. The train departure was to be at 16.45. We entered the train at 16. 30. And the time went by. At first when you get somewhere and sit, it takes a few minutes to arrange things to your liking and make yourself comfortable. You look around and look at your potential neighbours, wondering if they'll be noisy or just minding their own business. Not being to loud or annoying. And when settling down is done, you start to look around and expect some 'action'. In our case, the beginning of the voyage. Towards the seaside, in this case towards Koper. And the time passed. The time showed 16. 40 and then 16.45. And we though, anytime now the journey will start. And the time went by, no moving. A few minutes are nothing, the delays happen all the time. Not as much in the train business, but delays do happen. It was 16.55 when i next looked at the time. And then 17.00. And then at 17.05 the train started to move. I assure you i was releaved when it started to move. Patience is not my thing.
Because of the delay, the journey felt a lot longer. And wearing a dress, it made it even longer. I don't know why the hell i wore the dress. Never ever again. You can't sit the way you'd like to. Having to be all polite and all, not showing too much legs and so forth. Still, as everywhere, there's a bright side to this as well. I was able to tease Domen. And it totally payed off later that evening, if you know what i mean. Many times. Ahem.
On Saturday, we had a lot of things to do. Besides the routined kissing and such, we were to go swimming, walking, eating out. And we did all that. We went to the beach after breakfast. Not wanting to pay, why for god's sake would we, we sneaked inside. Domen swam passed the 'you-can-swim-this-far' line and i was to pay. At the paying place, a family was occupying the girl and so i just sneaked by. Fuck it, we're students. We're allowed to. Anyways, we went in the sea twice. The water was not nice. It was cold. Only if you swam like crazy, you kept warm. I must say it was nice, very nice even, to hug my baby in the water. His body wet and smooth, his hair wet and his eyes shiny. Beauty, nothing less that that. The next time when we went to the sea, it felt really cold, so we buggered off after 10 minutes.
After lunch and required nap, we went to Izola. On foot. The initial plan, back in Ljubljana, was that we'd swim some there as well, but the lack of warmth did its trick. We went to Hotel Marina, where they make THE best gnocchi ever. In mediterranean sauce. With gamberi. Heaven food, honestly. If you wonder to Izola someday, in summer i'd say, go and have that. They just melt in your mouth. The good thing is, we're both enjoying it. Ha!
Sunday. Horrible weather. Rain. Heavy rain. Not to mention, the storm we had during the night. So all we did was stay in, rest and cuddle. Untill the departure time came.
Somehow the feeling of this weekend didn't turn out as we planned. The seaside is not the same if the weather is not nice. I always remember the sea as a place where the sun shines, where i don't have to wear long sleeves, where kids laugh in the water. Where i see chrystals on the sea, the sun reflection off of water. That's what the sea is about for me. We did have some fun and it's always nice to be in his company. But the weather could have been better. Much better. Maybe, just maybe the weathee imporves in September and we'll give the seaside adventures another go. If not, there's always next summer anyway.

Sea, here i come!!! # 2

2005-08-19T15:10:00.000+02:00

I'm off to the seaside in a few minutes! Going for the weekend. Gonna walk by the sea, swim, eat sea food in Izola...! Fun fun all around!

Reflection

2005-08-19T01:04:00.000+02:00

I went...

2005-08-19T01:00:00.000+02:00

... to the movies yesterday. My parents had their 31rst marriage anniversary. My sister and i gave them tickets for the movie Herbie ( VW bug) since they had one when they were still dating. Yesterday afternoon, when the tickets were already bought, they decided to argue. And they didn't want to go. Domen usexpectadly came to visit me and we ended up going to see it. The movie was silly.The audience even more. A couple was sitting next to us and they thought everything, and i mean everything, was funny. And they showed it too-loughing out loud. They were laughing at things that by no means were funny. I thought there's some hidden camera thing going on. Because i really didn't think there are people like that. Obiously they are.
I took my dog out for a walk today. As we were walking a car stopped. In it was a bunch of people asking me for a way to Vienna. It's funny how in that second you find it so hard to remember and explain so that they'd understand. To make it even more exciting, they were asking me in English. I tried to explain, but they didn't understand so they asked me to explain again, this time in German. I switched from English to German in a second. I saw their faces, they were surprised. I gave them an approximate directions and they drove off. Later, a few seconds later, i was able to form more of a understadable sentence. I know that direction would make their way easier. Funny how the brain works, only later you think of stuff you could have said at that moment.
I'm going to the sea tomorrow! As it seems, there's going to be a nice weather this weekend, so we'll grab this opportunity and have some nice time there by the sea, walking, maybe swimming, hugging and kissing. It's really nice of his grandparents to welcome us.
Right now, it's time to go to bed, i'm tired. There's a few exciting days ahead of us. Time to rest up and gather energy.

Drops of water

2005-08-17T02:54:00.000+02:00

(<= another craving;). Seriously, can you blame me?!)

Cravings

2005-08-17T02:30:00.000+02:00

Lately i've been thinking about my funny cravings. I won't tell you about all of them:D, i'll just mention some.
Like every woman-i think- i at times long for chocolate. I guess the sugar level in my blood just drops and i need to have chocolate. It's not like i need it badly and my life would end if i had no chocolate that day, but i want it. I picture it. I imagine the taste. And since i like myself, i go and get me some. I don't worry about weight. I don't deny myself chocolate since i could get zips and a few mm on my butt. I think that if you do that, you hurt yourself more.
Another big craving is a bottle of water. More precisely- Zala Life. I know i know. I heard it's not too healthy. I heard they made a test and this one is on 33th place. Well, i don't drink and i don't smoke. I need to poison my body with something!:D
And the last craving i'm mentioning here is cocco. I spoke of it before so i won't get into this again.
Are those funny cravings? Am i alone?

A long-time wish coming true

2005-08-16T20:53:00.000+02:00

I'm a proud owner of this awesome ass-kicking globe!! Thx sweetie!
*excited!*

Energy bomb!

2005-08-15T19:23:00.000+02:00

Shy

2005-08-15T19:11:00.000+02:00

For me it's never easy to meet new people. It's not that i don't want to or am avoiding to.
I don't talk a lot, sometimes. I am not a chit chat person. I don't like to talk bullshit, sometimes. And i'm a very private person. I don't feel confortable explaining or revealing my private matters to people i don't know, or let's say people i just meet. And i like to observe. Anytime i'd rather observe than participate, especially if participating would have me act, talk, whatever, infront of a lot of people i don't know. Yes, all these syndroms are syndroms of shyness. I am shy. I know i've come a long way regarding this, in the past i was ever more shy.

A few years ago, about 2 years ago, a friend of mine told me i did not leave a good first impression with her. She said i looked distant, cold and hard to get close to. And i guess i was like that. I don't know what kind of an impression i'm leaving now, but somewhere in the back of my mind i still fear people would have me for cold and rude even.

What i do when i meet new people is just try to be nice and answer questions those ask me. And i observe. And listen. I have this fear that if i ask too many questions back i might be taken for nosy or annoying.

Sometimes i don't feel like talking, i don't feel like explaining things. Even with people i do know. It's not that i don't have opinions or stuff to talk about, i just don't feel like to. I prefer to think about things and listen to people. And there are some days when i feel like talking and i do talk and smile, and joke around and such.

What i dislike the most is talking to ´new people´in a place where there's a lot of people around and i can hardly, or not at all, hear them. So sometimes i just nod and smile, not knowing what to say back and feeling weird to ask them to repeat what they've said.

All in all, i do like meeting new people. I just need more time to feel confortable around new people. I do admit that some days i have no problems at all meeting new people. When i feel extra relaxed and happy and full of energy. Somehow there's more and more days like that.

Do NOT go see...

2005-08-14T12:19:00.000+02:00

From Hell
Ocean's Twelve
Eyes Wide Shut
It's All About Love
Out Of Season

=> Top five sucky movies seen recently
* I want those 10 hours of my life back!!*

Does not leave white stains

2005-08-12T22:13:00.000+02:00

A fort

2005-08-09T02:43:00.000+02:00

Trnfest

2005-08-08T15:51:00.000+02:00

Trnfest is a festival going on in August in Ljubljana. Yesterday we went to a show by Teater Narobov.Since i saw them before and liked them, i was looking forward to it.
The show was to start at 11 pm, but was postponed to midnight. I don't know the reasons why though. We came there at 10 pm, KUD being already stacked with artists and wannabe artists and artists' friends. We weren't sure when the show is to start so we just stood there, observing the people. And feeling the atmosphere. I don't know for Domen, but i didn't feel confortable at all. Soon after Domen asked a guy he knows about the beginning, we decided to go away from that place and return just before the beginning. And we did so. We went for some cookies- i had a chocolate craving. When the hour approached midnight, we returned to KUD. There was even more people, more or less everybody dressed in black, with a bottle of (bear) beer* in their hands and a weird hairdo. Luckily we went to the hall where the show took place just in time,so we got the seats.
Right away i felt weird, i felt unconfortable. There were people around me, smoking and talking very loudly, being all artistic in their statements and laughing. And it smelled. Of beer, of cigarettes, of sweat.I didn't feel good at all. I wished the show was outside, in fresh air. I don't get it why people smoke in closed areas. I know why they smoke, i guess. But you can't be so rude to smoke in a closed hall, where there's no way for smoke to go. It just lingers around, being inhaled by everybody there. Unfortunatelly not just by smokers, also people who don't smoke and don't like the smell of smoke- like me. Believe me, all that smoke made my head hurt when we got out, not to mention how bad my clothes smell.
The show was ok. I wasn't impressed at all. I have to say i liked some parts, but overall, it was just ok, contrary to how i felt the last time i saw their show, when i was really thrilled. For starters there was only 4 of them performing, one of them i saw in the audience. They did a few nice acts, but then they decided to ask the audience for help, for inspiration- for stories for them to act then. That didn't turn out well, since the people in the audience were just lame. The stories they talked about were lame and they just didn't work out well. Towards the end, i just couldn't wait for the show to end so i'd be able to go out from there, to get some fresh air and get away from those people and that weird atmosphere.
Not every show is a success, i know that. Especially if you have a strange audience. Hopefully the next one is better.

Lil boat

2005-08-05T00:29:00.000+02:00

Vineyard

2005-08-04T02:41:00.000+02:00

A total fun!

2005-08-04T02:36:00.000+02:00

This was the best time i spent at the sea side as far as i can remember. I had an awesome time! We did everything, saw everything. We laughed our heads off, we swam, walked, talked, read, cuddled, went to concerts, ate ice cream, danced, took pictures...
We explored the entire slovene coast, tried food everywhere, from Piran to Ankaran. Sea food, good wine, a view to the sea. The walks by the sea. Your love next to you, what more can you ask for?
It's undescribable really. At times i just stood still and i felt so happy i just smiled and according to Domen, my face just lit up. Everything just felt right.I really relaxed and was just able to be me, silly and at times acting like a kid- especially in the sea, splashing the water and rolling in the water. A few times i laughed so hard i almost forgot to swim. It felt good to act like that. I don't ever want to loose a kind inside me ever again.
From all the places we went to, i liked Izola the most. It felt cosy and welcome. I had the best meal with sea food there ever.
What i like the most about this holiday is that we did everything possible. We rested untill we couldn't stand being still anymore. We swam untill we almost froze. We walked untill we couldn't feel our legs anymore. We ate so we almost couldn't breathe anymore. We...hmm- you don't need to know everything! Hehe.
We took some really lovely pictures. You can check them out here. I'll also post some here.
I might write about some stuff later on , but as an over-all i have to say i really had a wonderful time. We've again proven to ourselves that we do belong together. We just had a great time. I can easily say i enjoyed every moment. And that's how it's suppose to be.

What's this?

2005-08-04T02:09:00.000+02:00

Movies

2005-08-04T02:07:00.000+02:00

Lately i've seen many good movies. Here's a list:

The House of Wax
The Butterfly Effect
25th Hour
The Silence of the Lambs ( I read the first two books: The Red Dragon and The Silence of the Lambs at the seaside. I saw the first two movies. I didn't like the Red Dragon really, but the Silence of the Lambs was good. I'm still to see The Hannibal and also read it. Will see the movie first this time around. Tomorrow.)
Identity

I really recommned them! Enjoy!

Update (23.28) : Hannibal

Awesome news!!

2005-08-04T02:00:00.000+02:00

Today i found out that i'll most likely be able to prolong my student's status.
That means i'll be able to write my thesis in peace and my own pace. I'll be able to put more efford in it and as a result, the outcome will be better as it would have been now. I'm really happy about that!

Flower

2005-08-04T01:51:00.000+02:00

Back from the dead

2005-08-04T01:47:00.000+02:00

Even though i haven't posted any entires in a long time, i see people still come to my site. I find that quite interesting. Well, i suppose a few updates are in order. And some pictures as well.

On Saturday i came home from the sea side. We arrived to Ljubljana at 1 pm, and my job's been waiting for me to go to at 4.30. And i worked on Sunday as well. It was hot beyond words. At one time there was 38°c in the place. We were almost melting. I drank sooo much water. I really don't wish for anybody to work in such heat. I was dead tired in the evening. The next day we had to clean the entire place as they closed up for the holidays. I came home feeling really tired. I helped pack my sister a lil bit. They went to the sea in the evening, leaving me to enjoy in peace and silence some more. I'm getting a real break of them and i don't mind one bit.
When i returned home i found the house in chaos. There were stuff everywhere, floors dirty and dust everywhere. So with the help of my sweetie, i cleaned the place on Monday. It took me a while as well. Now i'm enjoying the clean house, only having to clean after myself, since Domen cleans after himself.
Tuesday was Saving Rabbits Day. Domen and i made a new home for the lil rabbits. We fixed the barrier between them- we don't won't any more humping going on. Brothers and sisters never make good babies, and we are not living in the States either. We fixed the interiors as well, made floors for them and gave them water and food. I'm sure glad they're out of those cages! It was about time.

Sea, here i come!!!

2005-07-12T00:53:00.000+02:00

Going to the sea side tomorrow. By train.
We'll take plenty of pictures and be sure to see them when we get back. Enjoy your holidays and have fun-even if working!
See ya when we get back!

Windows

2005-07-10T00:24:00.000+02:00

Curious

2005-07-10T00:07:00.000+02:00

I do have my statcount, but still i'd like you-my readers- to post and give me a link to your blogs. I'd really like to know where you're from and why you read my blog. If you want, post in comments. Thanx!

Planning and such

2005-07-09T23:24:00.000+02:00

Yesterday i drove to Rence, to my sis's competition. I over dressed, felt too warm most of the time. I really didn't feel well. It annoyed me. I spent most of the time by the car in the shadows, talking, kissing and listening to Rammstein. Domen went with me to keep me company. I really appreciated it. Without him there i'd feel a lot worse.
We spoke and agreed we'll go to the sea on Tuesday next week. Woohoo! I can't wait! I just love the sea. And going there with Domen will just add to the pleasure. I don't know for how long we're going. But i know where we're going. We're going to his grandparents. They are his mom's parents. Hopefully i'll get along with them better than with his mom. I am a tiny bit concerned, but according to Domen, they are nice and easy going. They live 10 mins away from the sea, which is nice and practical. I just hope the weather is nice and a clear and sharks free water. As far as i know we won't have any access to the internet, so i won't be posting, unless we find an internet caffee or something. We'll sure take plenty of photos and we'll show them to you when we get back. There's another 2 days left at home. Slacking and cuddling is up for tomorrow and packing is up for Monday. I also need to go and visit a doctor on Monday since i need anti-alergy pills. I suffer from sun alergy. Not a nice thing at all, i tell you.
Thinking about my last holiday at the sea, i hope it'll be better this time. I've never really went to the sea with a boyfriend, so i'll be something quite different this year. I'm not worried, i feel excited. A bit uneasy if i'm quite frank, since the environment will be new and people as well. I hope the atmosphere will be okey.
Today i played pool. Went with Domen and Maq. It was nice and we had fun. I did not do much today though. Cooked lunch, cleaned and went shopping for groceries. My mom gave me free hands on what to buy, but then complained when i bought this and that. That woman... I'll be really happy to be away from her for a while. I wish my sis could do the same as well. My big sis and her family are coming home tomorrow. They've been away all week. Hope they had fun. It'll be nice to see my niece and nephew again.

Blue

2005-07-09T23:22:00.000+02:00

Vice BeeBee

2005-07-08T02:10:00.000+02:00

I'm a vice blogger on BeeBee's blog while she's away. Feel free to check it out. As a treat, for all of you Slovene readers, i'll occasionally write in slovene.
*Drzna poteza, punca!*

It all comes down to people

2005-07-08T01:52:00.000+02:00

The western world is in shock again. Terrorists stroke again. People died today. Many of them. Killed for what? Killed because they happen to live in a country that's aiding the USA in their war in Iraq. I won't write about that, because you can read about that anywhere.
I want to write about people. How desperate does a person get to go and kill another human being? How long does it take to become desperate enough to go and do that? Not being heard triggers different emotions in different people. Some close up, some act out.
Being open minded, i am inclined to say that everybody is entitled to act according to their needs, desires, wishes. But an act of expressing ones needs is one you pick yourself. You have to have a free will, but a free will ends when you enter someone elses world. When you reach over his or her life. I am not for english politics. At all. I dissagree with the help their politicians are offering Bush and his clan. But i don't approve what happened to all those people in London today either.
I feel for them. I can sense how the famillies of the injured or killed people are feeling. Domen got injured not long ago and my feelings of hurting when seeing him hurt are fresh, and also seeing him hurt and being in pain. Domen got off easy, 'only' with a few stiches and a cracked bone in his ellbow. I can't even imagine how some girl is feeling when she sees her boyfriend's leg being blown away. Or how lost and sad is a mother finding out her child got killed. There's many different stories going on out there. But let's not stop there. There's a woman in Iraq still crying today because an american bomb killed her husband.
There's hurt and pain everywhere. Who are we to blame? Do we need to put blame on somebody? If anybody, then politicians. Those are the worst kind of people. We know how they are, right? And what their primal goal is? Their primal goal is to keep their positions up there where they get what they want and have as much money as they want and as much power as they like.
Where does a problem start? Among people. No commmunication, no real one if one does exist. Greed. Why have little if you can have more... Envy, a lack of empathy, selfishness, fear. Those are all the feelings that come from within. And all that leads to what happened today in London. Sad, sad indeed.

Green

2005-07-07T20:36:00.000+02:00

Hope with me!

2005-07-07T19:57:00.000+02:00

Geez! It's cold. some say it's less hot, i say cold. I'm sitting here in my shorts, feeling chilly. Wanting coco. Getting me some coco. Yum yum coco.
Ha! Today i went shopping. Actually, the plan wasn't shopping. The plan was getting pc speakers. The actual even that took place was me buying me pants. Nice pants. Green pants. Lovely pants. The kind of pants i wanted for a while now. Nicey.
Talking about somethint that's not boring would be good, i think. I went to see my mentor today. I love his energy. He radiates this special kind of energy that just makes people happy around him. Well, at least it makes me happy. Maybe happy isn't the right term. Maybe feeling good. Yes. I feel good around him. We spoke about my thesis. We spoke about the project we're working on. And it all sounded good. We're continuing with it in the fall. Awesome! Something to really look forward to.
I have some other things to work on now. Before i leave for a holiday. Before i go to the sea side. I need to arrange everything concerning my student status being prolonged. I hope everything works out fine. More on this tomorrow!

So...

2005-07-05T22:36:00.000+02:00

...what is a person to do in this crappy rainy weather? I dunno for you guys, but i was a good girl and i was working. Working on my thesis. The latest update on the number of pages is 26. Wondering how much i need altogether? I need 50, or something around there. I have to say that i'm quite glad with the progress.
I have a few busy and eventful days behind me. Saturday was spent cleaning, helping my big sis, having my hair cut and having Raf over for a chat. Sunday was spent cooking, talking and laughing. I said a nice bye to Raf and Mark, being happy to have seen them. In the afternoon i spend some lovely hours with Domen. A lovely weekend all in all.
Yesterday i went to Ljubljana, to have a chat with my mentor. Guess what? He didn't show. I would have been annoyed, but a good company of my guy kept me in good spirits.

Wondering how The situation is going on? Well, what can i say? I hope things are getting better. On both sides. Raf's back home, according to his nick, not to pleased with that. But hey, he'll be back in no time. Domen is slowly feeling better as well. We will need some more time with transforming the emotions, which result from the past, surfacing up here and now when/where, quite frankly, are least needed.
I think that patience and belief in good is needed. And with that everything will work itself out. I'm here to help in any way. Still, i see that this is a little bit influencing me as well. I am human after all. And i care after all. I don't want to see people being afriad, sad, unconfortable, worried or anything negative for that matter. I want to see people happy. I know that is impossible. Nobody is happy and worry free all the time. Unpleasant things happen all the time. And i can't do anything about that. All i can do is to be here and listen and give my support. Too bad i can't spead things up a little bit.
And patient is what i need to be as well. And i am trying my best.

A cool dog

2005-07-01T03:06:00.000+02:00

Caring

2005-07-01T03:00:00.000+02:00

I have never done this before. I have never spent time with an ex boyfriend. This is a first. And it feels odd. He asked me to direct him with his name and not just by a He. Raf. My ex. A man i loved with my everything. A man that meant the world to me. A man i thought i will never stop loving. And i still care for him.
I have Domen now. And i love him. He really swept me off my feet and being with him makes me feel great. And i want to build a future with him. There's no question about being with him or not, no question about loving him or not, no question about him being the right for me or not, no question about whether i am going to stay with him or not. I feel my love for him is getting deeper and deeper. Day by day. I think that we need time together. We need experiences and ups and down. Only then the love we're starting to grow will prove itself and will grow into something magnificent.
Into a love i had with Raf. I said i still cared for Raf. I do. I always will. Not romantically as in wanting him to be my boyfriend. The bond we're having is deep. It's something i don't think will ever go away. I have a lot of respect towards him and i will always be grateful for what he's done for me. We know each other from the past life and that is strong. And that kind of a bond is something that can't be broken or disconnected. I feel good in his company. I enjoy talking to him. It just feels natural to have him around.
Raf and Mark came here for a holiday. At 4 am on Wednesday i cought them giving me presents on my balcony. Lying in bed, hearing noise on the balcony gave me quite a scare. I looked out of the window and there he was. Raf. I was shocked. I didn't expect him. At all. I didn't expect him back here for years. No, that's not true. I didn't expect him in my life for years. After the email he sent me in April, i though that our paths will only cross in a long long time. Seeing him there under my balcony just didn't seem real. I went out and walked towards him, and Mark was there as well. We talked. My legs were shaking. The last time i saw Raf was at the airport in april 2004, seeing him walk out of the building, not knowing that's the last time i'll see him as my boyfriend. After the breakup and a year inbetween, i didn't know how i'll be feeling seeing him again. What did i feel? I felt glad. It felt good seeing him again. And after a few initial words, seeing him cry…it just broke my heart again. It really hurt. Being the reason for someone's pain is something i can't stand. Especially the people i care about. Yesterday we met up and had a really long conversation. It went on for hours. He cried. I cried. It hurt that what we had had to come to an end. I wished it didn't happen the way it has. But it had. Talking yesterday hurt. It hurt remembering how much pain i felt when i had to break away from him. How down i was. How i couldn't live for a month. And then i remembered that that's how he's feeling now and that hurt even more. I don't wish to anybody feeling so much pain. To nobody. It's a pain that tests you as a person. And it's a test that i think makes you a better person. Of course knowing that at the time doesn't help much. I really wish i could help him in any way. I wish i could do or say something to ease his pain. But i know there's nothing i can do. It's something that he needs to go through on his own.
Today Mark, Raf and i went to the beach. We had lots of fun. Talking, laughing, enjoying the beauty of a Slovene coast. We were really lucky with the weather, having the sun and high temperatures. I dipped my feet in the sea and reconnected with my love. The love for the sea is so deep inside me that i just feel wonderful at the beach each and every time. We went to lunch to Piran, each having sea food. I ordered risoto with sea fruits and i wasn't sorry. An excellent food is putting it mildly. I took some lovely pictures wich will be posted here as well.
Being next to Raf brought back memories. A look, a certain kind of a move and a scent. Powerfull things. Jen told me it's normal to feel like that. You can not feel nothing towards a person you once loved so much for so long. And a bond we're sharing. It's a base for a good friendship. And i'm glad for that. I want to be friends with him. I want to know how he's doing and what's he thinking and feeling. I care for him. And that will always be there.
Domen. He's really struggling to understand and accept this. He's not freinds with his ex girlfriends and he doesn't want to be friends with them. Therefore he doesn't really understand me. He is affraid. Bad past experiences don't help one bit. He doesn't want to loose ( Maq, i don't know if this is right now) me. I told him 4 months ago, before we even started the relationship, that Raf is always going to be important to me and that he'll have to accept that. He said he understands. And now that he's faced with it, he's having a few problems. It is his thing to overcome. I can only help by letting him know that it's him i want. It's him i need in my life. It's him i want to spend my life with. It's him i want to hug and kiss and cuddle with. It's Domen who has the 'things' he can offer and i need to have and want to have. With time we will build the love i once had with Raf. The love that will make us happy.
I don't feel torn between two men. I am dedicated to one man. To Domen. I'm just so sorry to have hurt Raf so very much in the past. I wish with all my heart that he'll be better soon. And i wish with all my heart for him to meet somebody as special as Domen is to me and that he'll be happy. Really happy. Because he really deserves to be happy. He really does.
Even though emotions are high now and the hearts are crying and being affraid, i'm 100 % sure we will all be well. Domen will be calm and reassured of how much i'm dedicated to him. Raf will slowly move on and will find a happy relationship again and i will be calm seeing two men i care for happy and loved.

Jesus wannabe?

2005-06-30T02:09:00.000+02:00

Oooh!!

2005-06-29T02:33:00.000+02:00

I'm back

2005-06-29T02:09:00.000+02:00

I lost myself for a while. I let other people influence me too much. I relied on them too much, i let them tell me what i should do, think and feel. Don't get me wrong, it's not their fault. They didn't push their thoughts on me. I let them. It was me who didn't think for myself. I let myself believe they know more and better than i do. Which isn't true. And they don't know less and worse than me either. They know different than me. And that is how it should be.
The mistake i made was thinking that i should do how they tell me. And that is not the case. I know what i should do the most. I am to listen to others and think about what they say, but thinking their words are pure gold and the one and the only truth, that is wrong. Very wrong. The mistake i made resulted in a few weird conversations and a few off moments. I knew deep down that what they were saying could not apply to me, but i felt weird and angry at myself for feeling like that.
It is silly i let that happen. Thankfully i noticed this sooner than later. I could put myself down for doing that, but what's the point in that? That wouldn't be constructive at all. I will be more carefull now, i will watch myself more and listen to myself to begin with. But that does not mean i won't listen to them either.

Obeying the rules?

2005-06-28T01:42:00.000+02:00

Goodbye girl

2005-06-27T11:09:00.000+02:00

In a few lines

2005-06-27T02:12:00.000+02:00

- feeling better
- done some work for my thesis
- felt like having a heavy head all day untill i went out
- went for a long walk
- had ice cream (my lil sis's good deed)
- took lovely pictures on the way (me and her)
- missing Domen ( I haven't snuggled up to him since last week!! damn stupid woman who can't drive! grr!)

A bird up and watching

2005-06-27T02:09:00.000+02:00

Feeling down

2005-06-25T20:31:00.000+02:00

My throath aches. And i have a lil bit of a headache. Woke up with a lil sore throath to begin with, but it's gotten worse during the day. I'll have some soup and tea and an early night and hopefully i'll be feeling better tomorrow.
I need to feel better. Because i need to write my thesis. I need to finish it asap. I'm worried about it. I don't know if i know enough to write a solid thesis. I don't know if i have enough material to write it well. I don't... I was told today by Domen that i'm complicating and making too big of a fuss about it. I guess i am. On one hand i think that's good, since i won't settle with a crappy thesis. I want to write a good one, one that people long after this year will want to read it and will learn a thing or two from it. My thesis will be the first one on this field of expertise so i want to do the job well.
I need my health and a cool head.

Humanity

2005-06-24T19:05:00.000+02:00

Funny how noone but me and the kids have any sense of humanity in this house. We have little house rabbits. I was against getting them in the beginning since i knew i'll be the only one taking care of them. I'm the one cleaning, giving them water and food. Now over the summer my parents decided that they'll put the cages with them outside. Not because the little animals were hot inside, but because they were leaving a certain smell. All my father did yesterday was carying the cages outside. Today i went to check on them. They had no food, no water and the cages were filthy. My parents didn't care. All they cared about was that they're outside, away from their eyes and noses. So of course i took care of them, cleaned the cages and gave them fresh water and food. I also added some salad. I find it unfair having to do all that alone. Those little animals being dependant of me. What will happen when i leave for the holidays? Will they get fresh water everyday? Maybe if i bug them enough before i leave…

Arabic food

2005-06-24T19:04:00.000+02:00

Yesterday a friend of mine and i had a busy day. We decided to drive around with bikes and do errands. It was way less hot as it would have been walking to the city centre. We also went for lunch. She is keen on foreign restaurants and since i never say no to new chalenges, i said yes to her proposition to try out an arabic restaurant. The last time we went to lunch together we went to a chineese one. This time arabic was on. I liked it. I had kus kus. Mmmm. That's really good food. Next time we said we'll go to an iranian restaurant, i'm looking forward to it already.
We had fun and we filled our tummies with good food. It was time for my heart filling. I suggested we go and see my boy. Just to say hi and to give him a kiss (just me, not her, hehe). She agreed, so we set on the bikes and drove to his house. When we reached his house i called him and asked if he's busy and if he had 5 minutes to spare. After he said yes i told him to go to the front door. He opened the door and told me i'm silly. Ah ya. He looked better, no sling present, his eyes more shiney. He'll be better soon.
After some more kisses and a few laughs, it was time to go on our way. It felt a little weird, being with him for such a short time, being used to see him for hours at a time. Still it was nice to be with him, even for 5 minutes.
Driving back to the city centre and then on to Bežigrad, the heat became more and more intollerant. Two hours later, when i stood under the shower at home, i felt blissed. I could wash away the heat and the sweat. But my day didn't end there, i went to my sister's performance at school, where they said bye to fourth grade.
After that was finished, it was time to kick back and rest. I had a big headache, mostly because of the sun and the heat.
Sleeping for over 10 hours did the trick. Even though the heat today is slowly trying to bring me another headache, or could that be the annoying people around me bickering and demanding stuff of me?

Stiched and all

2005-06-24T19:02:00.000+02:00

Stiched up

2005-06-24T18:56:00.000+02:00

On Wednesday i went to see my injured boyfriend. I went on a train at 5. The heat was still on, so i felt really hot. After about 10 minutes of drive, the sky became dark, darker every minute. When we arrived at the train station in Ljubljana, the rain started to fall. Not just any rain, the rain drops were big. Almost hurting a skin when reaching it. I had no other choice but to go and buy myself an umbrella. I walked towards the city centre, trying hard to keep my umbrella in a right position, since the wind was strong. I looked around, noticing how people just stayed clear of the streets, all of them hiding over the roofs of the shops, crowding and trying to stay dry. I laughed a little, thinking how the hell can they be affraid of a little water, falling of the sky. All that rain does to you is gets you wet. Ok, i will not debate about acid rain here, but hey, we eat salad which gets watered with rain anyways, so we can't really escape that altogether. Anyways, the raindrops became heavier, the wind became stronger and the lightnings became more frequent. That scared me a little, since the last thing i want is to get one of that up my ass. Therefore i decided i'll take the city bus. To my amazement, they weren't as full as i anticipated. I got a sit right away. I felt happy knowing i'll get to see my guy in a matter of minutes. And pretty soon my exit station came and i was on my way to his house. Right there and then i realized his parents are going to be there. I haven't been to his house with them at home since The talk. I got scared. But i knew nothing would stop me from seeing my baby all stiched up and in pain. So i got it together, rang the bell and his mom opened the door. My legs were shivering. And not just because of the wet pants from mm knees down, also because she was there. Then she told me where Domen was and i went up to his room. There he was, sitting at his desk, with bandaged chin and arm in a sling. When he saw me he looked at me with those big eyes and smiled. I walked up to him quickly and said awww, my poor boy. He didn't look that bad actually. No other bruises or scratches. It was very nice to see him. To kiss him and hug him. And he loved the chocolate i gave him too!

I'm too old for this shit

2005-06-24T18:54:00.000+02:00

Certainly i am. A few nights ago i went out to party with the girls. We went to this students' club, called KMŠ. What a mistake. When we got in, there were already some people there, guys mostly. And first thing we came in, they checked us out. I felt eyes on me and it didn't feel good. The music was bad, some lame techno sounds. After a while the club growded up a little and there were sweaty bodies all around me dancing, smoking, crowdying. For a while i was dancing, a few songs were not half bad even. During that i was looking around and observing the crowds. There were boys and girls, screaming for sex, for human contact, for being admired. Girls in their tops and mini skirts were showing their cleveages, moving their asses around and tossing their hair. They were mostly in pairs or in a little group by three or four. Giggling, dancing in a way that their boobs were moving up and down the most, and moving their hips here and there, trying to attract as many boys as possible. Naturally they were all into their game, intentionally not showing off they're watching around if guys are watching at them. Trying to look cool and disinterested. And boys. They were looking at the girls, drooling mostly, drinking heavily and using lame pick up lines. Even on me.
Then something i didn't like one bit happened. I even got angry and quite annoyed. In a matter of 5 minutes i got pinched in my butt, i got burned with a goddamned cigarette and i got spilled with red wine. Hm. So i stopped dancing. I looked at my friends and i saw they were having a blast, dancing, singing and jumping. I didn't have the heart to ask them if we could leave, so i just stopped daning, leaned on the wall and kept observing the people around me. From time to time i even danced to a song i liked, but that was not many times. At around 3 am when my water was too warm to drink it, when the music got weird and one of my freinds asked me if i wanted to leave, i said yes. In about 30 minutes, we actually left. By bike, from Vič to Bežigrad. There i had a shower and went to bed. Happy to be 'home', away from those sweaty bodies, bad air and loud annoying music. I certainly am too old for this shit. Never again.

The moon

2005-06-22T02:20:00.000+02:00

Intuition

2005-06-22T00:27:00.000+02:00

Tonight i realized i shouldn't ignore my intuition. Because it's damn precise. I forgot about it for a while, but today a certain thing reminded me of it. What certain thing you might wonder. Domen had an accident with his bike on his way home from me.
We spent a lovely afternoon here at my place, watching Family guy and hugging. Then the time came for him to go home. We said bye bye and there he was on his way home. Usually when he gets home at a normal hour, he comes online and we say good nite online. This evening he didn't. He was tired already when he left my place, so i thought he went to bed after his dinner. Still i found it a little weird. For some reason, a reason i know now, i was a little worried. I thought that something weird might have happened. But time went by. I got no sms, he didn't come online. When the clock turned 11 pm, i was quite sure he's safe and tucked in in his bed. I didn't wan't to think negative, so i pushed my what-if-something-is-wrong feeling aside. Until midnight when i got a call. It was Domen. I was a bit surprised that he's still up. So i asked him for a reason. And there it was. The news he's been to ER, having his chin stiched. Apparently he decided he'll be flying over the whell of the bike today, braking with his poor little chin. A chin which has got 7 stiches now! He told me he's sore, but that nothing major is broken. Thank blog for that!
When i heared what happened, my heart started to race. I could feel it while sitting on the floor, listening to my sweetie in pain. I was also a little amazed by the accuracy of my intuition. I really should never forget about it and just go by it.
I'm really glad he's gotten away with little injuries. Things could have turned out a lot worse. I'm going to see him tomorrow whether his mom likes it or not! I will go and hug him and show him i'm there for him. Always!

The river

2005-06-21T12:34:00.000+02:00

Sunday

2005-06-20T00:56:00.000+02:00

I'm feeling pleasantly tired. Today i had a lovely day. It was sunny and warm, at times very hot. We had a bit of a bbq outside, eating out in fresh air. It felt nice.
After a few years i took my bike out. It was covered in dust and it's damn filthy. Domen took off some of the things i, as he said, don't need. I'll have to clean it a lot more before it'll be ready to be taken out for a spin. But i made progress after all, no more spider webs all over it.
Time to go to bed and read a little, if i'll have any energy left of course. Reading material is Dan Brown's Angels and Demons.

Nemo!

2005-06-18T22:40:00.000+02:00

Headache

2005-06-18T22:37:00.000+02:00

Working this afternoon earned me a headache. The heat, the sun and tiredness contributed to an over all lousy feeling. Tomorrow it'll be better. Why? All fun, no work! Juhu!

Traces

2005-06-18T00:10:00.000+02:00

Blood donation

2005-06-18T00:02:00.000+02:00

Today Domen and i went to donate blood. I felt great, my body didn't even notice i lost 4 dl of blood, and my afternoon was as usual, full of activities.
It was interesting to observe my dark red blood flow out of my vane. Looking at the bag filling was astonishing. With that bag of blood i'll save someone's life. Whoa. I feel good doing that. I've been meaning to go for years now, the first time i went 7 years ago-yes, shame on me. So, today the timing was just right.
Buon voyage bloody!

On other news. I ate stuffed calamari today! Mmmm.
My lil sis came home, exausted and therefore a lil cranky, but not sad about being back.
The temperatures are high again. Welcome back summer! Juhu!

Stats

2005-06-17T01:44:00.000+02:00

Train station

2005-06-17T01:30:00.000+02:00

Active beats passive anytime!

2005-06-17T01:19:00.000+02:00

I'm feeling much better today. Maybe because i was up to a lot more today than i was yesterday. I've realized that being still and not doing much is totally not my thing. Today i only saw 1 episode of CSI, if you don't count CSI Miami i saw on tv, hehe. I went for a longer walk today, i cleaned the house a bit and spent a couple of hours with my niece and nephew. It was nice, we laughed and i played cards with my niece. It's amazing how much energy can kids give you on certain days. Tomorrow another kid is returning to the house, my lil sis is coming home from her school trip. I wonder in what mood she'll be in. I remember myself years ago. I felt really sad and even mad for coming home, since i had a crush on a boy there. Ah, memories.
The storm we had today was really wild, all the thunders and the rain. I liked it, since the air got cleaned up a bit, and a nice big sun came out behind the clouds afterwards. Seeing we have a warm and sunny weekend ahead of us, that was really good for us and the nature.

Fire

2005-06-16T00:45:00.000+02:00

Whining

2005-06-16T00:26:00.000+02:00

Today i had a watching-CSI- day. I saw 8 episodes of season 1. Thanx to Domen, have a DVD player since last week. And i love it. This CSI thingy is very addictive. Every episode is intense and interesting until the end. It makes you think about who made the criminal act they're investigating. And when one episode ends, you just have to go and see another episode.
Somehow i was able to pull myself away from the monitor to go for a walk though. It felt nice to be out on some fresh air. The air was clean as well, since i went out after the storm which cleaned out the pressure in the air. Having my lil sister away on a school trip, gives me a lot of time, therefore i took a long walk. I took some pictures on the way. And i was thinking. About my life. About all the major parts. I'm realizing that life can be good. And scary as well. Realizing that the future is out there. Pretty near me. A future of an adult. I'm leaving uni in a couple of months. I won't be a student anymore. No more holidays for 3 months, no more stayings at home whenever i wanted to. I'll have to get a job. A job i'll have to go to every single day. Staying up at a certain time and going to work, working a certain work hours and then get home. And the same will follow the next day. I don't know how i'll do that. I did work a summer's time one year, in an office. I was dead tired in the mornings. But somehow i managed, since i knew it's only a summer job. And that uni and uni-kind-of-life will follow after that summer. Ahh. Am i too spoiled? I know i'm whining. And i know i'll adjust to the situation, like i always do. But having to go to work for 11 months and a half in a year? Geez! Whoever though of that?! I hate goddamned capitalism. If i only was lucky and would found a good job, a job i'd like, if not love. I shouldn't worry and whine, right? And just accept the way life is.

Indeed

2005-06-14T22:10:00.000+02:00

Home grown strawberries

2005-06-14T14:41:00.000+02:00

Childhood tapes

2005-06-14T03:24:00.000+02:00

It's interesting to hear a person you love as a child. I heard a tape of Domen when he was a child. His mom found some tapes her and Domen's father tapped when he was little. The tape begins when he's less than a year old. I heard him crying. And then there was a part being tapped when he was a little older. He was talking kiddish. And later on i heard him talk with his parents, he was talking very well already at the time. Answering questions and singing. I could hear the way his parents talked to him. Very gentle and loving. And it just made my heart go awwww. He was very loved when he was little and i'm glad for that. While listening to the tape, it dawned on me. A converstation that took place this afternoon with a friend about it helped a little bit as well. You're wandering what i'm talking about, right? I'm talking about this, and this. And no, it didn't stop. He still has to put up with the shit he's getting from his mom mostly. Yesterday his mom told him he's spending too much time at my place. Last week he spent 4 days with me. We've been together since Thursday afternoon till Sunday evening. And we had a wonderful time. It is true that he had to be on his own for a while, since i had to help out at home, but still, we had fun.
From today, i know what's all this about. My friend told me she's had the same problem as well. Her dad had a real problem accepting her having a boyfriend. It took him 3 years to come to terms with it. When i told her what's been going on with Domen's mom, she knew it right away. She said his mom is afraid she's losing him. She loves him very much. I think it all began when he was born. He almost didn't make it. So i guess she's concerned about him even more than she would have been in a normal situation.The way they were both, his dad and his mom, talking to him on the tape, was so sweet. It's obvious they both love him very much. And his mom digging up some old tapes can indicate she's thinking back on the old days when he was still her little boy.
For a second there i felt bad. I'm the couse for him mom's fears.But then, the next second, i realized it's not me. Even if i went away, it would be the same with the next girl. But i won't go away. Because i love Domen and i know i am good for him and i know i'll love him with all my heart. And his mom will have to come to terms with this.I'm sorry she's hurting and i wish i could help in a way, but it's her problem and only she can deal with it, on her own. I think eventually she'll realize Domen's a grown man, living his own life, loving me, enjoying his life and doing what grown ups do. I just hope it won't take her 3 years, or even more.

A few tiring days

2005-06-12T23:58:00.000+02:00

I had really busy few days. From shopping, to driving to the competition and cleaning after 17 people. Indeed, i'm very tired.
I had a 'pleasure' to see a few of the relatives i haven't in a few years since we've gotten together for Bruno's Christening today. I stepped into a church after 8 whole years. Let me tell you that i didn't miss it one bit, and who knows when i'll be in one again. After the ceremony we had a huge lunch. There was plenty of food, all kinds you can imagine. And with the help of my sweetie, and an hour of break inbetween, we cleaned all the dishes. A lovely walk after that was really welcomed. It also gave us a chance to talk a bit. On Saturday we had to go to the competition again, filming my lil sis while she performed- the camera's battery gave in last weekend.
All in all, they were very tiring and stressful few days. But lovely non the less. And Domen and i just proved ourselves again we really are good together.
*Thx again for everything you did and gave me this weekend, sweetie*

Today's top comment

2005-06-08T03:01:00.000+02:00

When new goals are born

2005-06-08T02:34:00.000+02:00

Wow. What a day.
I didn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up and after less that 7 hours of sleep, i woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I was lying in bed, daydreamign a bit. Thinking of the last few days and enticipating the promised goodies i was to get today. It felt really good. After a while i couldn't stay in bed anymore, i had to turn on the pc and check for the results. None. I thought to myself- goddamnit. When? When?! How long do i have to wait already?! Knowing i'll see Domen in a while kept my spirits up. I went to cook lunch. While cooking i kept chatting with Domen online and checking for the results. At one time Domen goes: go check! go check! And Baya goes and checks. And sees something really nice. I passed! Yea! In a split second my view on the future got even brighter. I don't need to go and retake the exam next week! I'm done with exams.Ha! Anyways, i told the closest people right away. They were all really happy for me. That feels good. And i got a present for passing an exam. Domen brought me a book. By Dan Brown. Angels and Demons. Awesome!A wonderful gift.Thx sweetie!
After making some more daydream material, Domen, my lil sis and i went shopping. Yes, shopping. It was neccessary. We all survived. We got almost everything and after some initial crankiness, we had fun.
It isn't bad to be tired after such a nice day. I think i'll sleep well tonight. Feeling happy and having an enormous amout on energy for my next goals. The first big one is writing my thesis. I already know i'll do well! Ha!

YES!!!!!!!

2005-06-07T12:15:00.000+02:00

I passed! Woohoooo!
Now you're reading a blog of a girl who passed all her uni exams and now only has to write her thesis. :-D
Yes!!! :-D

The street

2005-06-07T11:31:00.000+02:00

Metallica + The Symphony

2005-06-07T03:18:00.000+02:00

I've just seen Metallica concert with the Symphony! And wow! I loved it. It's awesome. I loved the sound of a symphony orchestra with an electric guitar. Just an awesome sound. And a good vocal is always great as well. And i was observing the drummer. One nuts guy!
Is it just me or do the drummers might have some difficulties with their hearing?

Sneaky lil creature

2005-06-07T00:36:00.000+02:00

Kids having fun

2005-06-07T00:35:00.000+02:00

Definitely

2005-06-07T00:28:00.000+02:00

Domen and i went shopping on Friday. Friday, from all days.Yes, it happens. It happens to people that don't ever shop and have no idea that City Park, a devil's place, is totally packed then. And why? On Firday afternoon. Why do people go shop on Firday afternoon? People who go to work all week. And they have enough energy to go shopping on the fifth day of a working week? Don't they have resting to do? And maybe enjoy themselves? I'm looking at this from the wrong angle. My angle. I hate shopping. I only go shopping when i really really have to. When i know i definitely need something. And this Friday, it wasn't an emergency.I wasn't in a rush to get something new. So when we saw the crowds, we said nah ah. Not us. we won't go through the clothes that 100 other people touched that very afternoon. We won't stay in line for 30 minutes to try the clothes and we won't loose our minds. So we walked out smiling, had ice cream and went to play pool.And that was how the afternoon turned out great.

It's funny how, not doing anything, sitting and watching performances, waiting for promised food and applauding from time to time, is tiring! Tjasa and Pia had a competition on Saturday. After lunch we went to the hall where the competition took place. The day was sunny and the temperatures were nice. It wasn't too hot, and not too cold. It started out nice. But when hours went by, everything became a bit tiring. Somehow we managed to keep ourselves busy. We saw some performances, we went for a walk, we got into a discussion about Slovene and American education, we took some lovely pictures and we enjoyed time spent together. I enjoyed watching my girls performing. They look so cute. They did their work well. I enjoyed watching them have fun with their friends. That's what's all about it my opinion anyway. To play after you do your work and meet new people. Just experience new things. That's what's life is all about. Experiencing new exciting things to gain knowledge of new things and people around you. It's the only way to widen ones horizon.

How i love my life and the people around me lately. It's amazingly good to be in love. To love people is a feeling i could never get enough off. And seeing people i love enjoying each other's company without me being near is even awesome-er. My lil sis and Domen really get along and i'm really glad to see that. When i went to work on Sunday they spent some time together, playing pc games.
Knowing he's at home and i'll be able to hug him and kiss him when i get home from work is awesome. We spent a nice afternoon watching movies and trying to keep our hands of each other, which is very very hard to do and we failed to do so many many times. We saw two movies, Confessions of a dangerous mind and Das Experiment. I liked both movies, the latter the most. It deals with a human psyche. It shows us how powerful a human mind is. And how power can corrupt. And how total strangers can help each other in need. It's a very good movie.
Before going to bed i finally finished The da Vinci Code. The book review- it's good, but i've read better. I can say with certainty The Life of Pi was way better. I on the other hand like the way Dan Brown writes, i really like it. How he describes the characters, the environments, how he makes things interesting. And the story. It's good. It tells us a lot about Pegans and the way they're respecting the Earth. It tells us how Cristianity sux. I have to say what i didn't like. I didn't like the way they involved Sophie with Robert. After a night together they set a date to have sex when they see each other again. It's a bit to American in my opinion. I would like to read Angels and Demons though, and i will.

The weather is the last thing i'll write about today. Today it was like April's weather. I experienced rain and sun, and rain and sun together. The temperatures were variating from cold-ish to hot-ish. I hear people complaining about the weather lately. And i'm the same. First we complain about the high temperatures, indicating summer's here. And we really wish it was less hot. In a few days we're having low temperatures and rain. And then we really wish for a warmer and dry weather. We're never satisfied. So why don't we just accept the weather as it is and live with it. We can't really influence it anyways. It's the same all the time after all. After rain, the sun always comes. And after the sun, the rain comes as well. Thank blog for the variety! We don't live in a Sahara or in Brazil after all! I say, living at 45°is the best place to live. We get rain, we get sun, we get winter and we get summer. Plus the autumm and the fall. What else could we wish for? Maybe finally for the exam result!!

Water and a duckie

2005-06-03T02:35:00.000+02:00

Fun fun

2005-06-03T02:08:00.000+02:00

It has again been little warmer. At times even hot, at some moments very hot!
I still don't know about the exam results. It's annoying i tell you. Anyone of you hates to wait for exam results as well? I certainly do. Not because i'm affraid of the result. Not at all. I just want to find out as soon as possible and then be able to plan my next few weeks. Since if i didn't pass, i have another try on June 14th. And if i'll need to go and take the exam again, i'd better start studying soon...again. Damn it. I don't want to really. Ah, enough of that!
Justine! Justy! My Justine! Allé! Ha! She's back.!In the finals of Rolland Garros! Awesome! See, i liked her game and her attitude before she reached the top of WTA. And i still like her. After her illness and injury, she managed to get back again. That makes me happy indeed.
I got cd's and a concert cd of Guns'n'Roses! God! Axl looked so sexy 10, 12 years ago. I actually drooled over him. I remember having a big poster on my wall and i used to watch it, every detail of it, day by day. He was wearing write tights and a scarf on his head. He had a michophone in his hands. The pic was taken during a concert. His mouth was opened, singing obviously and he was a lil sweaty. And he had a beard. Ah ya, i really loved that poster. Today, seeing the cd from the concert. He had black hot pants on and he looked so...girly! That lil toosh and straight girly legs. No hair on his body, no chest hair at all. He looked funny. It's funny to see your drool-over guy from youth when you're not that young anymore. Fun fun fun indeed.
I also took out a lil time to see a movie. So my sweetie won't think i don't appreciate his kindness getting me movies and stuff to see/listen to. And not having him here actually allows me to see the movie, the whole movie, from the beginning to the end. It was Bridget Jones 2. Hm. Everybody says it's lousier than number 1. I don't think so. It was better than the first one. Why? Because of her. She's grown. Doesn't let people hurt her as much anymore. She's wiser and even though making a mistake, she's taking care of her a lil more. She almost slip, but she didn't. She learned from her mistake. Way to go girl! Other than that...it's a classical don't think too much movie. Not something i'd go and watch in the movies.
Tired! Oh yea, i'm really tired. It has been an eventful day. Going from feeling cranky, to feeling really happy. From feeling cold, to feeling hot. From reading a book, to spilling juice on my keyboard. I really am never bored!
Time to go to bed!

Tuesday

2005-06-01T22:59:00.000+02:00

waiting for the exam results
reading The da Vinci code
spending time with my lil sister
missing Domen
watching Seinfield
drinking coco

Waiting

2005-06-01T02:16:00.000+02:00

Ah yes

2005-06-01T01:57:00.000+02:00

Oh. I've been totally neglecting my blog. I should do something about it. But will i?
I've been thinking why that's happened. And i got two reasons. Firstly, it's the anticipation of my exam result. Today it's a week ago since i took it and i'm really starting to wonder how i did. And the results should be in soon, in the next couple of days i think. *sigh* I've been checking result's site of my uni regurarly…and i get a shortage of breathe everytime i'm waiting that little second for the page to upload. I hate those seconds. I wish i didn't have to do that a lot of times. I wish i passed the exam. The second reason for neglecting my blog is the heat. Good blog! The heat! How can anyone stand it? I really can't do much in that heat. Anything creative, that is. I did work in the weekend. When the heat was on its peak. We worked hard. I was tired after each day. Felt really exausted, felt out of energy, felt my head aching. Working hard in a kitchen, when there's 32°c outside isn't a walk in the park. You could say it's a walk in hell, hehe. I just Loved the shower when i got home. And with that i mean Loved the shower. Imagine the cool water running down your body when you're sweaty and are having aching muscles, after you've been dreaming of a cold shower all day. Ah ya, it did feel awesome. On Sunday evening i went to a concert. His sister and the band she's in were having a performance at Krizanke in Ljubljana. It was nice. Not actually my kind of music, but some of the songs a bit resembeled to movie music, and i like soundtracks from movies. I like instrumental music a lot as well. The music wasn't the main reason why i went to that concert. The main reason was Domen's family. After the shebang that took place the last time we were in the same room together, meeting them in the same room is giving me chills. Knowing things are better now and that it's not me the one they're after, i need to be brave and do something about it. I have a fear inside of me, and i need to kill it. I need to move pass it. And the only way i'm going to succeed is to face my fear. Again and again. Until the fear will be totally gone. And it will be gone. I'm just going to let the natural course of life to put me in the same room with them so i'll deal with it. I'm happy the way the eveing turned out. We didn't speak much, but we did a little bit, and those words were said in a nice manner. So, it looks bright.
The heat got weaker. Woohoo! Some rain was very welcomed, by me, by some other people and mostly by the Earth, who was really screaming for water. And i'm gla dit's getting it.
In a way it is a bummer the weather went sour on us now, since Domen and i were planning to go to the seaside, to 'dive in and swim'. But it's nothing major that the plans got altered. We're not in any kind of a hurry.
I've been keeping myself busy with watching a bit of a tv, haven't watched any in weeks. And i've finally started reading the book i've been wanting to read for months, or better said 6 months, or even a lot more. The book is The da Vinci Code. It is good. Mostly because you learn awefully a lot reading it. And the way it's writen. The writer leaves you in the dark at the end of the chapter and the story continues with another characted in the next chapter. Since you're wondering what the thing is all about, you continue reading. And you continue and continue, and pretty soon you're on a page 150 not even knowing when you got there. Those tricky writers, hehe. Talking about writers, i just love to see Domen started writing again. I think he's talented and only constant writing will make his talent come out in its fullest. Go read the novel here and enjoy!

Today

2005-05-28T00:50:00.000+02:00

the sun
the heat
thesis work
ice cream
teater Narobov- Tomaž
laughing to tears
Day out
blading
smiling all day long
kissing
reading
= TIRED!

Devil-ish?

2005-05-27T02:15:00.000+02:00

Feeling strange

2005-05-27T01:54:00.000+02:00

Maybe i'm just tired... And feeling a bit off. I wasn't doing anything creative today. That must be it. Seeing people around me being all cranky and nervous and bitchy must have something to do with it as well.
Today something was very wrong. Ok, traffic way something is always wrong. But still. When my lil sister and i went blading today, we 'ran' into a car accident at a crossing. All we saw was a boy on the ambulance wheels, apparently being sent to the emergency room. We didn't look or stop, we just went by as soon as possible. These things aren't for us. For some is apparently. There were quite a lot of bystanders. What the hell is so attractive to look at at a car accident? Will never get that. And later on we witnesses a lot of bad driving. People are mad, i tell you. Red light, why stop. Indicators, why bother. I seriously think avoiding the streets would be the best policy. But since that's not possible, i'll just be very very careful. Take care of myself, and others, since others don't take care at all.

Blue

2005-05-26T19:12:00.000+02:00